A Moment of Transformation
By: Coach Hughes
We can all relate to the feeling of being pulled in various directions—juggling different responsibilities while trying to manage life's chaos. During a recent personal coaching session, I shared with my coach how overwhelming this past year has been. Between having two hip replacements close together, turning 60, navigating the complexities of caring for aging parents, selling Jersey Mike’s, and even overcoming a near-drowning incident (a story for another day)—it has indeed been quite a whirlwind! To sum it up, somewhere along the way, I lost that sense of joy.
As we chatted over Zoom, I found myself distracted by the bookshelves behind me, which perfectly represented the chaos I was feeling. I mentioned that I often thought about organizing them by topic or author, but I would quickly become frustrated or distracted by other projects.
Then my coach offered a simple yet brilliant suggestion: tackle one shelf at a time, starting with just one book. I would decide to either keep it, give it away, or throw it away. I thought it was a great idea, but I have to admit that my first impulse was to do it after the call. They call that procrastination. However, with a warm smile, she encouraged me to dive in right then and there. So, I chuckled, picked up a book, and followed her guidance:
1. Keep it.
2. Give it away.
3. Throw it away.
The first book I chose was "In Search of Excellence" by Tom Peters, a treasured book from my past and one of the first personal development books I ever bought back in the late '80s. As I held it in my hands—its tattered pages, faded highlights, and personal notes all over—I took a moment to reflect. My coach asked if I would read it again. I hesitated, but eventually said, "No." When she inquired about its sentimental value, I admitted it held some, but not enough for me to keep. She then reminded me that I find joy in helping others and asked whether this book could benefit someone else. The decision became easy: I decided to give it away.
To be honest, after choosing that first book, I thought I would finish organizing the shelf after our call, but my coach insisted we continue until it was done. We shared a quick laugh, and to my surprise, I felt inspired to keep going and finish something I might have otherwise postponed, adding to my stress. We ended up sorting through all the books on that shelf—about 30 in total—and decided to keep three, toss one, and give away the rest.
I planned to bring these books to the leadership and personal development class I teach, hoping to share them with attendees who might find them helpful, and perhaps set up a table for anyone to take them or raffle them off at the end of the week.
On Monday, I arrived for class intending to set up a table for the books, but, of course, I got sidetracked and left them in a pile on my lecture desk. They remained untouched until Thursday, when something special happened.
That Thursday afternoon, one of the attendees approached the desk. As we talked, I noticed him glancing curiously at the stack of books. When he inquired about them, I eagerly shared the story of my decluttering adventure and explained how I decided which books to keep, toss, or pass on. I could see his interest grow, especially when he noticed "In Search of Excellence," which happened to be on top.
Without thinking twice, I offered it to him, saying, "It’s yours." The surprise on his face was heartwarming, and I could see emotion in his eyes. When I asked if he was okay, he nodded and said no one had ever given him anything like this before. In that moment, I understood how meaningful this simple gesture was for him—just a book, but one that had held significance for me. He shared that he hadn’t had positive role models in his life and lacked the tools for success. This exchange became a powerful moment filled with connection and understanding for both of us.
What made this moment even more special was that a couple of other attendees gathered around, drawn in by our exchange. They began sifting through the books, discovering ones that resonated with them, even asking me to sign their selections—I’ll never forget that day!
As the week continued, I reflected on this experience. I applied the same "give away, toss, or keep" approach while putting up our Christmas decorations, organizing my clothes, and sorting through things at work.
But I really didn't grasp the purpose of the exercise until a week later, when I recounted the story to my coach and realized that it wasn't about the things.
“It was about emotions, memories, grudges, and guilt. It was about forgiving others and forgiving myself. It was about getting rid of the clutter of life that we hold onto long after it is needed or useful. ”
So, if you have something and feel you need to keep it, do so, but also keep in mind that sometimes the true power lies in giving it to someone else, especially when they understand how important it was to you, and how it might benefit them on their journey.
BeBestYou
Coach Hughes